i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
