let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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