Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
