dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need to sanitize my soul.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
