no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
