OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
