you didnt know i had herpes?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
