I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
