Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize