apparently the secret to your success is patron
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
