someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
