Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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