What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
