My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize