apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
