you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize