I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
