im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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