Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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