some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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