redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
