You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you had me at cake vodka
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
