We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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