around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
