is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
