Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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