haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
