how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
