he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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