that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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