Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
