i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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