our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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