I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
