why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
