At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
why do cheetos always look like penises
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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