Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize