matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
