Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
