i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
