I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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