but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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