Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
