Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
