Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
