hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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