So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
