Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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