You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
