anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
