People with herpes should wear stickers.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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