P.S. I can't hear my feet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
