The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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