I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
