I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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