saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and she was petting her beer can
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
