He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
