Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
