well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
