come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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