worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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