oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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