what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
