We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
