Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
