If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
two words...techno handjob
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
and you fell through a lawn chair
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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