Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
