Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I lost the right to judge tonight
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The Olympian is in my bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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