I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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