I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
