So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
