a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
