we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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