I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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