just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
