When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
