In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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