just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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