Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
