Moan for me like Helen Keller
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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