He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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