it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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