so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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