DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
