I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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