just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize