i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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