Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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