First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
