Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
