Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
