I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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