im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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