Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
