absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
