Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
