why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize