If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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