I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize