We're facebook friends in real life
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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