you guys were way drunker than both of me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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