just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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