I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
