Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
