I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
