there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
