Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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