your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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