Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
