I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
