break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
