This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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